(Note: This post was part of our 2018 April Fools’ coverage and is very obviously a joke.)
The Rant has learned that Sanford native and Voice contestant Britton Buchanan left “Team Alicia Keys” for “Team GWAR,” citing the Virginia-based heavy metal band’s spiked leather costumes, grotesque undead oeuvre, and shocking live shows as key reasons in his defection.
“Alicia was great, and I’ve already told everyone about how much I love Bruce Springsteen,” Buchanan said at a Yarborough’s press conference. “But nobody ever pays attention when I talk about how much I love ‘Saddam a Go-Go.’ And the way they look like alien conquerors in their videos and got banned from various states for their highly offensive live shows. I just felt like it was time to go where I needed to go.”
Ticking off his top three GWAR albums, Buchanan said “This Toilet Earth” and “Scumdogs of the Universe” occupy the top two spots, while “Carnival of Chaos” and 2010’s “Bloody Pit of Horror” regularly compete for third.
“I can’t pick a favorite,” Buchanan said. “And even though (former GWAR lead singer and founding member) Oderus Urungus sadly passed on in 2014, I believe the spirit of GWAR is strong enough for me to keep learning the tricks of the trade from these extreme music stalwarts.”
Reached for comment about Buchanan’s decision and how he could join a team with no previous presence on the Voice, former coach Alicia Keys seemed to be supportive of the decision.
“I hate to lose Britton, but GWAR totally rocks,” she said. “I’ve been a fan ever since I watched Jerry Springer emerge from that gaping alien maw way back in the day. I wish him the best of luck.”
A bold, yet brilliant move for Britton! Clearly GWAR is the future of music.